Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
