This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your dad touched me again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
