Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
