I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
