I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize