i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
