All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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