i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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