I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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