i don't like sucking hair
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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