I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
false alarm. still invincible.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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