Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
