marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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