My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You pole danced in your parka.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
