You're my little dorito
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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