you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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