If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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