last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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