I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
