Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
