We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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