I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
