Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
