The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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