He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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