my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
