I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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