You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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