Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
