Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
