guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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