I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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