we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
