My liver just broke up with me...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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