I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
