Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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