its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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