I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize