my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
