you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
