I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
