He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
