Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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