she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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