last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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