A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
