no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
