Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
