Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
