I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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