I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you win again, gameday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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