Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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