from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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