you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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