Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
