walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is my gift to your gina
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
