mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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