well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
