exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
