My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
