so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
