so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
