There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
