waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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