You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
