I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize