You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
