Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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