Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
