this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
