It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
