It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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