i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
