WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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