dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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