Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
