so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
